World Magic Cup Qualifier season is underway my friends. This calls for something special. I think it’s time to dust off my blue leather deckbox, pack a healthy lunch, and play a little Fun Police. When I posted the original Fun Police article, I had listed the goal of the deck as follows:
The goal of [Fun Police] is to create a win condition that is so recursive, so durdly, and so slow that your opponent is too weak to carry on with the rest of the tournament after playing against you.
So I bring you my WMCQ update to a deck that runs the best card in standard:What’s Changed?
I haven’t played this deck since Game Day Born of the Gods partially because nobody would play against me and partially because I lost the fanny pack I converted into a water bladder like bikers use. Dehydration is a thing with this deck. Anyway, a lot has changed since then. And by a lot, I mean my mainboard Elspeth, Sun’s Champion has become a Quicken.
Elspeth was a low point for me. I was weak. I went against the ideals of the Fun Police. My supervisor Captain Steele has warned me that if I try and play a “traditional” win condition again, he would take my badge. I like my badge.Quicken is a card I’ve had my eye on for a long time. Playing an instant speed Supreme Verdict seems very fun for exactly one half of the table. Our half. At its worst it is a one mana cantrip that will draw us into the card we scried to the top of our library. You know, the one that would be really good right now? That one.
Changes in the Sideboard
The meta game hasn’t changed too much since Born of the Gods, but it has changed slightly. Jund has become a legitimate threat again, and planeswalkers are better than ever. Black is splashing white more than ever. Goblin Rabblemaster red is a deck now. The streets have become rife with people enjoying their magical Christmas land meta. This will not stand. The Fun Police needs to evolve to combat this rabble.
Staff Change (get it? he has a staff … never mind)
Bye Bye Blood Baron of Vizkopa. My recent chats with Alexander Hayne have convinced me that this Vampire is not what the police force needs anymore. He too frequently gets picked off by Thoughtseize or worse, Lifebane Zombie. I was sold on the Baron, but when Major Hayne talks about any deck with Sphinx’s Revelation, I am inclined to listen. We need to call in the big guns. We need a card that can dodge the zombie AND the removal. We need …AEtherling and two copies of Dark Betrayal have replaced the three Blood Baron of Vizkopas in my sideboard. Combined with Jace’s Ingenuity, you out-draw, and out-play, any monoblack variant. Jace’s Ingenuity and AEtherling both require large mana investments, and Dark Betrayal lets you interact with 1 mana, freeing up the rest for your Shapeshifter’s abilities and control of the tempo. The law isn’t always black and white for the boys in blue.
We’re Gonna Need Back Up.Archangel of Thune has been serving on the force since the beginning, but she’s getting old now. She’s looking for a desk job and is content filling out paperwork. Luckily a Floch of new recruits are ready to step in and take up patrol duties. Nyx-Fleece Ram was an absolute all-star at PT academy this year. Ivan-na play it. We added one more angel into the sideboard and four more sheep. We had to cut Notion Thief, Pithing Needle, Thoughtseize, Revoke Existence, and Jace, Memory Adept out of our budget to make room to SWAT down the aggressive decks.
Our new Squad
I present to you: Fun Police 3.2!
Fun Police: “He died from natural causes.”
It’s a crazy world out there. Here’s your manual on how to sideboard with the Fun Police.
Monoblack Devotion / B/W Variants:
Jund Monsters / Planeswalkers
Rabble Red / Burn / Selesnya Aggro / Devotion to Blue
*against burn you’ll want negates over doom blades
Other U/W Variants
*If you suspect they will play blood baron against you, leave in 1-2 verdicts and take out Last Breath.
It’s been a pleasure serving with you:
Most of the cards in this deck are rotating out at the end of the month… what a bittersweet feeling. We may be retiring our suite of goodies and gadgets, but I assure you, the fun police will be back in full force after rotation. We will just have a newer cruiser, new toys, and fresh villains to detain.